In what can only be described as a desperate, over-produced, and self-contradictory finale, Meghan Markle’s podcast Confessions of a Female Founder came to a screeching end this week—fueled by moon bump conspiracies, bizarre parenting philosophies, ankle-centric excuses, and what might be the weakest podcast blooper ever recorded.

Let’s break it all down.

A “Confession” Nobody Bought: The Bump Heard ‘Round the World

In recent weeks, speculation surrounding Meghan Markle’s pregnancies has gone viral, reaching even mainstream British media. A Daily Mail column faintly touched the third rail—asking if Meghan had ever used a “moon bump,” the prosthetic commonly worn by actresses playing pregnant women. Cue outrage, intrigue… and a not-so-subtle podcast response.

On the final episode, recorded with billionaire Spanx founder Sara Blakely, Meghan delivered her defense: she gained 65 pounds during pregnancy, but “it was all in the front.” That, she says, is why her legs remained slim and she could still bend effortlessly in five-inch stilettos.

Yes—Meghan Markle wants the world to believe she could squat in heels at 8 months pregnant. “She bent right down to talk to a child,” royal expert Angela Levin recalled. “I’ve had three children—no one bends like that with a bump that size.”

The Physics Don’t Lie—But Meghan Might

The contradiction between Meghan’s ever-shifting bump size, her remarkable mobility, and photographic inconsistencies has fueled years of conspiracy theories. And while her podcast didn’t directly name the “moon bump” claim, Meghan’s sudden need to mention weight gain, high heels, and tiny ankles seems—at best—timed to quiet growing suspicion.

And if her body truly defied pregnancy physics, perhaps it’s less of a rebuttal… and more of a new mystery.

She’s Got Kids? Meghan Says People ‘Forget’

In the same episode, Meghan casually claimed that “people forget” she has children. It was another jaw-dropping moment—especially considering the careful PR rollout around Archie and Lilibet’s rare photo drops and the entire Netflix docu-series that revolved around family life.

“I always forget you have that many kids,” her friend said. Meghan replied with faux surprise: “People forget that Lily is three and Archie is five.”

People don’t forget, Meghan. People remember everything—especially when you use your children to distract from public scandals.

Netflix Is Her ‘Partner’—But Not Harry

In perhaps the most revealing comment of the entire episode, Meghan referred to Netflix—not Prince Harry—as her business “partner.” She even added that working with Netflix was “better than doing it alone.”

Angela Levin didn’t mince words: “She doesn’t want Harry involved at all. She slips up constantly. Netflix is her partner. Harry is an afterthought.”

And it’s not hard to believe. Behind the scenes, Meghan has reportedly sidelined Harry in future production deals, surrounding herself with ultra-wealthy women like Sara Blakely and Jamie Kern Lima instead. As one commentator put it, “When Meghan goes into business, she doesn’t call her husband—she calls a billionaire.”

Motherhood, Misery and That Acupuncturist

At one point, Meghan recalled advice she received from a U.K. acupuncturist: “If the baby’s crying, treat the mother.” The tone-deaf anecdote sparked immediate backlash.

Angela Levin blasted the notion: “You don’t put yourself first when your newborn is crying. You don’t know what they need, what they’re feeling. You respond to them. That’s motherhood.”

To royal watchers, it was a reminder of how far removed Meghan is from the ordinary realities of parenting. Surrounded by staff, nannies, therapists, acupuncturists—and likely funded by royal money—she still saw herself as the victim.

The Queen of Beige Lies? Meghan’s Wardrobe Blunder

Another accidental admission slipped through the podcast’s glossy edits.

In a previous tell-all, Meghan claimed that the Royal Family forced her to wear “beige” and “neutral tones” so she wouldn’t upstage senior royals. This week, she giggled about how “she always wears white” and “happy colors”—which, surprise, are the same neutrals she once claimed to resent.

“She lied,” said Levin bluntly. “The Queen loved bright colors. She encouraged it. Meghan was offered advice, not orders—and she chose what she wore.”

The contradiction speaks volumes. Meghan’s podcast has become a confessional of self-revision—a platform where she rewrites past narratives without remembering what she said last year.

Money Talk: Meghan’s Favorite Topic

Sara Blakely, who is actually self-made, made a thoughtful comment during the episode: “Money doesn’t change who you are. It just makes you more of what you already were.”

Cue Meghan’s silence.

Because as we now know—from leaked books, aides’ accounts, and insider quotes—Meghan has always chased wealth. Famously, during a royal tour, she was overheard asking, “Am I not getting paid for this?” And before meeting Harry, she reportedly asked friends to introduce her to rich men.

“She thought Harry was rich enough,” said Levin, “but she’s frustrated he only had £30 million. She wants billionaire money—and she’s made that very clear.”

The Blooper Heard Around… Nowhere

And finally, the cherry on top: a podcast “blooper” so unfunny it deserves its own award.

“My darling dog Mia is pawing her way into this podcast,” Meghan whispered in faux surprise. That’s it. That’s the blooper.

No flubs. No laughter. No warmth. Just more image control masquerading as spontaneity. A perfectly engineered moment that only revealed more calculation.

A Finale That Tells Us Everything

Meghan’s final podcast wasn’t just a goodbye—it was a breakdown of the carefully curated façade. From moon bump denial to motherhood confusion, from wardrobe contradictions to sidelining Harry, the episode became a microcosm of what’s broken in the Sussex brand: a lack of self-awareness, an addiction to narrative control, and a belief that no one’s keeping receipts.

But the public is watching. And listening. And remembering.

And while Meghan signs off, one blooper and beige blazer at a time, the real confession has already been made.

She’s not fooling anyone anymore.