Just when you thought the Sussex circus couldn’t get any weirder — Meghan Markle has done it again.

In a whirlwind week of staged Instagram videos, in-flight “thank you” notes, leaked horror stories from airline crew, and the unveiling of a Montecito “royal court” straight out of a soap opera, it’s clear: the Sussex brand is floundering — and scrambling for survival.

Let’s start with the napkin.

A flight attendant for American Airlines named Nina Vidad posted a TikTok video that quickly went viral, claiming she had the “honor” of serving the Duchess of Sussex on a recent commercial flight. In it, she read aloud a handwritten note from Meghan herself, scrawled on a napkin and signed “Forever, Meg.” The flight attendant swooned, saying Meghan complimented her nails and was “so sweet.” The moment was presented in the press — most notably People magazine — as a humble, kind, and totally spontaneous act of generosity from a grounded duchess who had “ditched the private jet.”

Except she didn’t.

Critics immediately pointed out the glaring flaws. Meghan Markle has not ditched private travel by choice — her lavish lifestyle has simply run out of billionaire backers. According to royal commentator Dan Wootton, “She can’t afford it anymore. That wasn’t a humble act — it was a financial necessity. And now we’re all supposed to believe she’s just one of us?”

But the controversy didn’t stop with financial realism. Legal experts were quick to point out that the flight attendant’s TikTok video may have violated American Airlines’ strict privacy policy regarding high-profile passengers. Disclosing Meghan’s identity and sharing her handwritten note could have triggered immediate dismissal — unless, of course, it was authorized. And therein lies the catch.

“This was a coordinated PR stunt,” Wootton declared on Outspoken. “There’s no way People magazine ran that story without Meghan’s team signing off on it. It was meant to paint her as relatable — and distract from the real storm that’s brewing behind the scenes.”

Because just hours earlier, Meghan had posted a bizarre Instagram video of her daughter, Lilibet, beekeeping — or pretending to. In the video, Lilibet was clad in what can only be described as an alien beekeeper costume, her face hidden, standing near what was supposedly an active hive. Royal experts were baffled.

“What on earth is she doing?” asked Wootton. “You don’t dress a toddler like that and place her next to a hive unless there are either no bees — or you’re absolutely out of your mind.”

Angela Levin, royal biographer, went further: “I was told by someone who knows that Lilibet’s hat wasn’t even on correctly. If there were truly bees, that little girl was at risk of being stung in the face. Meghan is so desperate for the perfect Instagram moment, she’s willing to risk her child’s safety.”

Which brings us to the real bombshell — a damning behind-the-scenes allegation about Meghan’s actual behavior on planes.

While the PR team pushes out a sanitized story of handwritten napkin notes and duchess charm, Outspoken revealed that airline staff from another major carrier have contacted Dan Wootton directly with a very different story. These crew members — who served Meghan on long-haul flights — described her behavior as “absolutely appalling.”

“She was a nightmare,” one said. “She treated us like we were beneath her. It was clear she believed her title gave her the right to be rude, dismissive, and controlling.”

According to Wootton, these testimonies form part of a larger exposé he’s been working on, and the timing of Meghan’s sudden in-flight friendliness may be no coincidence. “She knows what’s coming,” he said. “This was damage control — a preemptive strike.”

Meanwhile, back in Montecito, the Sussexes are erecting their own bizarre version of the royal household: an 11-person team including former Obama campaign staff, Silicon Valley PR veterans, and corporate branders. According to The Mail on Sunday, each staff member earns a six-figure salary — all in the name of rehabilitating Harry’s shattered public image.

Yes, you read that right. Despite suing British media outlets and lambasting royal life in their infamous Netflix series, Harry and Meghan are now mimicking the monarchy they claim to have escaped. They’re assembling a “court” to run their affairs, issue public statements, and launch new “ventures.”

Harry, it seems, is finally being told by Meghan to “go to work.”

Gone is the noble dream of quiet philanthropy. Instead, Harry is reportedly launching his own commercial enterprise — separate from Meghan’s struggling lifestyle brand “American Riviera Orchard,” which critics claim has been plagued by supply chain issues and underwhelming sales.

But even with this new team, royal watchers remain skeptical.

“Harry and Meghan don’t need new staff — they need new personalities,” quipped one insider. “Every time they’re given good advice, they do the opposite. No PR expert in the world can fix that.”

And perhaps most damning of all, despite the flurry of new hires and calculated content drops, the public isn’t buying it. Meghan’s follower count on Instagram recently dropped from 3 million to 2.9 million. Engagement is low. The magic, it seems, is gone.

Contrast that with Catherine, Princess of Wales — whose brother James Middleton recently spoke out publicly about their unbreakable sibling bond. “They’ve seen me at my worst and my best,” James said. “Siblings are a unique kind of love.” For many, it felt like a direct message to Harry — the estranged brother who’s burned every bridge he once had.

In the end, the napkin note, the bee stunt, the glossy PR hires, and the endless spin may amount to nothing if the core problem remains unsolved. Meghan Markle, despite the titles and the fame, is increasingly seen not as a humanitarian or lifestyle guru — but as an image-obsessed celebrity desperate to cling to a vanishing spotlight.

And Harry? He’s no longer a prince of the people. He’s a man caught between podcasts that never launched, lawsuits that never win, and a wife whose next move may involve more bees, more napkins, and fewer answers.