Jessica Mulroney she’s Meghan’s former BFF, a Canadian fashion stylist, and apparently the keeper of all Meghan’s dirty secrets. And boy, has she decided to spill the beans.

According to Mulroney, she and Meghan were running a scheme that would make the characters from “Hustle” look like amateurs. We’re talking about exploiting royal connections to score freebies, billing King Charles for bogus expenses, and then selling off the swag for cold, hard cash. It’s like “Ocean’s Eleven” meets “The Crown,” and I am here for it.

Now, let’s break this down, shall we? First, we have the freebie fiasco. Apparently, Meghan and Jessica were using the royal name to get their hands on luxury goods faster than you can say “God Save the Queen.” We’re talking designer clothes, fancy skincare, probably even gold-plated teapots for all we know. They were treating these high-end brands like their personal Costco, and the currency was royal clout.

But here’s where it gets juicy. They weren’t just hoarding these freebies like some kind of post-dragon’s treasure. No, that would be too simple for our dynamic duo. Instead, they were allegedly turning around and selling these items for profit. That’s right, folks—the Duchess of Sussex, fifth in line to the throne, was essentially running a royal yard sale. Can you imagine? Gently used tiara, only worn once to disappoint the queen. Asking price: your firstborn child and a small kingdom.

But wait, there’s more. As if scamming luxury goods wasn’t enough, they were apparently double-dipping by billing good old King Charles for various expenses. It’s like she took one look at the royal coffers and thought, “You know what this needs? A touch of Hollywood accounting.”

Now, I can already hear some of you out there defending Meghan. You’re saying, “Maybe she was trying to save the taxpayers some money. Maybe she was redistributing wealth.” To which I say, if that’s wealth distribution, then I’m the king of England. No, what we’re looking at here, if these allegations are true, is a level of grift that would make the most seasoned con artists tip their hat in absolute res