The trumpets blaring, the glittering golden confetti cascading from the sky as the Sussexes make their grand entrance in Portugal. Or rather, don’t imagine it, because the locals are utterly unfazed.

The headlines have been buzzing with rumors of the couple splurging a cool $4.7 million on a home at the Costa Terra Golf and Ocean Club, a swanky new development near the charmingly indifferent town of Lajes. But if Harry and Meghan were expecting a red carpet welcome, they’re in for a rude awakening. In fact, the residents seem to be collectively rolling their eyes at the whole affair.

“You can almost hear them saying it,” one local quipped over their espresso. According to sources, the locals are far more accustomed to rubbing elbows with billionaires, A-listers, and actual stars—like Cristiano Ronaldo. Harry and Meghan’s arrival is about as thrilling as a damp firework.

One local real estate agent didn’t mince words when speaking to the Daily Mail, stating that the Sussexes will have “zero impact, zero.” Apparently, the local elite socialize with people who are much wealthier and far more famous than Harry and Meghan. As the agent noted, “If Jeff Bezos bought here, sure, there could be some buzz. But not Harry and Meghan.” Ouch! That’s got to sting for the Hollywood couple who left the UK in search of privacy but really just wanted a more glamorous playground.

Meanwhile, the locals seem to be living their best unbothered lives. The affluent visitors from the resorts don’t mingle with the locals. One local restaurant owner explained to the press, as if clarifying the natural order of things to a bewildered tourist, that there’s a clear divide: the wealthy newcomers hang out in their gated communities while the locals go about their lives, unimpressed and uninterested.

Now, you might be wondering: why Portugal? What could possibly attract Harry and Meghan to this corner of the world where no one seems to care about them? Some speculate it’s for the privacy, but if they wanted to blend into the background, they’ve certainly picked the right place. They can stroll around unnoticed. Local businessmen have pointed out that the only real commotion the town ever experiences is when Cristiano Ronaldo shows up. Competing with CR7, Harry’s polo matches and Meghan’s podcasting efforts hardly measure up.

So, back to the pressing question: Did they actually buy this house, or is this just another classic Sussex rumor blown out of proportion by the media? It all began with some whispers from Richard Eden, which quickly escalated into a full-blown tabloid sensation. But honestly, with their finances always in question, can they even afford this $4.7 million purchase? One unimpressed observer remarked, “They don’t have enough money to buy a used tent on Craigslist, much less build a mansion on a sprawling estate.”

Then there’s the little matter of Harry’s carbon footprint—the one he’s always trying to minimize while simultaneously acquiring more homes around the globe. The eco-warrior prince now has to juggle two massive properties: one in California’s Montecito and the other in Portugal, all while preaching about climate change. Nothing screams “Save the Planet” quite like jetting back and forth between multiple luxury homes.

And speaking of miscalculations, did they even realize that investing in real estate no longer qualifies for Portugal’s Golden Visa program? Someone should have told them that ship has sailed. But then again, Meghan probably thinks she has it all figured out—after all, she’s practically a real estate mogul in her own mind.

So there you have it: the Sussexes tried to make a splash in Portugal, but all they got was a collective shrug and a yawn from the locals.