Eilish admitted in a recent interview that she has suffered from bouts of depression. “I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of the world. It’s just scary for somebody like me, and even if it’s not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable.”
Billie Eilish has painted a picture of what it is like to live with depression. The Grammy-award winner opened up about her mental health struggles in a recent interview with Rolling Stone magazine published earlier this week.
In it, the 22-year-old pop star talked about what it has been like to suffer from debilitating depression for so many years, writing in her journal: ‘I know I’m lucky/But I’m so unhappy.‘ She also revealed she suffered from a major bout of depression last summer.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), depressive disorder (also known as depression) is a common mental disorder that involves a depressed mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time. Depression affects all aspects of life, including relationships with family, friends and community.
“It was just [more real] than it’s ever been before,” the singer said about her mental health struggles, adding: “My whole life, I’ve never been a happy person, really. I’ve been a joyous person, but not a happy person. I experience joy and laughter and I can find fun in things, but I’m a depressed person.”
The ‘Everything I Wanted‘ singer revealed in the interview that she has ‘suffered with a lot of depression’ her whole life. “When things happen in my soul, or whatever, the thing I’ve always held on to is, ‘Well, it’ll pass. It’ll come in waves and it’ll get worse and it’ll get better.’ And that’s always brought me comfort. And this time, I literally was like, ‘I don’t care. I don’t even want it to get better’.”
Eilish said that amid all this, she found her anchor in her family. Her parents Maggie Baird and Patrick O’Connell, brother Finneas O’Connell and best friend Zoe Donahoe kept her going through this difficult time. The singer also confessed that she realised she needed to get out of the house more often, despite her being a celebrity enjoying massive fame.
Elsewhere in the interview, Eilish revealed that she ‘hit a turning point’ in life. “I had this moment of like, ‘Oh, my God, I haven’t had fun in seven years.’ Truly.
I had this illusion that I had, because who experiences going to the Grammys at basically 17 and winning five? But in life, I realised I had really not experienced that much. I didn’t go outside for five years. How was I supposed to have any experiences?”
Eilish told the publication that she ‘slowly started going out more’, starting with grocery store trips and then going with her friends to parties and concerts. “I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of the world.
It’s just scary for somebody like me, and even if it’s not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable and being seen and being filmed, and whatever. But with that all in mind, I have been choosing to do the thing that scares me more. I am biting the bullet and existing in the world for once.”
Interestingly, while the singer has chosen to be transparent about her own struggles with depression, she confessed in her interview that she has ‘no interest’ in being a ‘celebrity spokesperson or advocate’ for mental health.
“I think it is really weird when you are in the middle of something and somebody asks you to be the advocate for the thing you’re in the middle of. I understand it’s important, and I understand it’s an epidemic and it needs to be talked about, but I don’t want to be the role model for depression…”
